S T E P P A R E N T

When we think of a step parent, generally it is not so good. We sometime think of Cinderella, her horrible step mother and terrible step sisters.
But every story doesn't happen like this. Some think the step family is great! But what are some ways you could make a softer entrance into a childs life? Try being some what of that favorite aunt or uncle first, until you have a better or good relationship.

*Don't be so quick to punish. All the bigger punishments should be done by the blood mom or dad.

*it's not always more important to be interesting as it is to be interested. Be involved in your step child's likes and interests. Look for opportunities to let them tell you about things they enjoy. Most people who are interested in something, love talking about that thing.

*make fun memories together. They may feel sad about leaving old memories behind. You may not be able to bring there old memories. But you can help them find joy in the place they are now.

Your goal should not be to replace anyone in their lives but to become a new person that they look up to and can tell that you love and care for them.

F A T H E R S

When having a child, most think of the mother. Starting with the beginning of pregnancy with morning sickness, the the feeling of change, hormones are all out of wack, and the first time she can feel the fluttering of her little one. Through these times it is really easy to strengthen the bond with her mother, she understand what she is going through wile her husband does not.

This can be a dangerous place to allow yourself to get. Fathers are very important in a child's life and the media tries to take them out of the picture by saying they are worthless and have no clue what they are doing. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-long-reach-childhood/201106/the-importance-fathers  in this article given by Ditta M. Oliker Ph.D said "Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes. The influence of a father's involvement extends into adolescence and young adulthood." so what can we do as mother to help our husbands have a better relationship with our children. 
Well some ideas are to start right with pregnancy. Explain what you are feeling, the fluttering, the kicks, have him feel your belly! Have him take birthing classes with you! (not dissing on doulas) but have your husband be the one helping you when giving birth if possible. Make him feel like he is apart of the team. 
    After baby comes, don't have family come right away! Allow you and your spouse to figure it all out! by doing this you have to rely on each other and you will strengthen the bond between you and him and the baby! 
     Speak kindly of the father to your children, Explain to them the importance he has in your family. encourage playtime with dad. By taking small step in strengthening your family and having an environment of love, your children will be much better off.
     

M O N E Y

    Dealing with fiances together when you first get married, can sometimes be difficult. But it does not have to be that way. Just from my personal experiences from talking with friends and others I have found that one of the biggest problems for those who feel financially strapped, didn't know how to free themselves from the debt they had created. I my self am not a professional in finance, but I found the book / pamphlet called "One for the money guide to family finance" to be really helpful! It was written by Elder Marvin J. Ashton.

He said, "As proper money management and living within one’s means are essential in today’s world if we are to live abundantly and happily, may I make some recommendations for improved personal and family financial management. The following twelve points will help each of us achieve this goal, I believe." (To see the 12 different steps he specifically it talking about go to the link.) follow this link. https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/language-materials/33293_eng.pdf

Under the section he talks about how to get out of the debt you are already in. he says "A debt-elimination calendar can help you reduce or eliminate debt. Mark off several columns on a piece of paper. In the first column on the left, write the names of the months, beginning with the upcoming month. At the top of the next column, write the name of the creditor you want to pay off first. It may be the debt with the highest interest rate, or the earliest pay-off date. List the monthly payment for that creditor until the loan is repaid as shown in the illustration above. At the top of the next column, record the name of the second creditor you want to repay, and list payments due each month. After you have repaid the first creditor, add the amount of that monthly payment to your payment to the second creditor. (In the example above, notice that the family finished making monthly payments on their credit card. They then added $110 to the $70 furniture payment, creating a new monthly payment of $180.) Continue the process until all loans are repaid."

this would look something like this 

Once you are on the path of bettering your family finances, you will begin to feel less stress in the family and your relationship. Work together to make a plan council with one another and come up with a game plan you both feel comfortable and that you both will support. I know that as you work together on such an important area in your life you will be happier in knowing that you both know what is going on, and that not just one of you has to try and figure it all out!

C O M M U N I C A T I O N

What is good communication? I for a really long time thought of it in a way of compromising. You know, not always getting your way, so that the other people in your life can have a turn at it going their way. But after watching a video of the first presidency of the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter day saints talk about how they themselves,learn how to counsel with each other, my eyes are now open to a much better way then just agreeing to keep the peace.

Starting a council meeting with either your family or with your spouse you should be looking forever ones thoughts and ideas, they are all important especially when making big decisions. With children or young adult, I feel this can give them the opportunity to speak their minds and come up with ideas, you yourself, would have never thought of or if you had, they might not respond the same as when they are told they cant "play with friends on Sunday" as they would if they were given the opportunity to make a good choice for them selves. (they will surprise you). If you are looking to have a family council to set some rules for Sunday's, you might begin by asking the question, What are some ways we as a family can make the Sabbath day more center on Christ? Allow ideas to go around the room and begin to plan. When having a council like this with your spouse, listen for their concerns and thoughts. find what will most benefit your family. Allow for their to be joy, if something begins to become too heated, try taking a break from that topic and going back to it after you both have had the opportunity to think it through and why it might be important to the other spouse.

If the other person needs more time to decide, allow it. It will help both of you to have the time to agree on the same thing, rather then just one of you compromising to make the other happy.


    

C O P I N G

When the unfortunate event happens in your life that is either a stressor or a crisis. How do you handle events like this? Some might shut down and some might take this opportunity to change and become better. These are both methods of coping.

     I would like to share a little about myself and what coping methods tore me down and which ones built me up. Through the past couple years I have discovered the challenge it will be for myself to have a baby. I had always dreamed of having the opportunity to carry a sweet growing child inside me for 9 months, being the first to hold a brand new life in my arms, being able to fix a "boo boo" with a kiss. I often would think about playing tea parties, superheros, dinosaurs with my children. I even would think often about tricks on how to have my kids enjoy healthy food! Shortly after I was married I began to get nervous. It was not happening as fast as I had expected. The frustration grew as others around me were blessed with the only thing I felt was missing in my life. I didn't understand what the plan was or why I had to go through this. I became more upset with ever announcement that was made. I chose to not do much of anything hoping it would all just fix its self, I thought that maybe all my friends were right and that maybe I was too stressed, or maybe I needed to track everything differently.
     But nothing ever changed so I decided to to start going to a Dr. to see what they could find out. I started leaning more on my Heavenly Father for guidance and direction on what I should do in the meantime while i waited for my turn. I decided to go back to school for marriage and family studies. As I began sharing with more friends what I had and am going through, I was able to help other on their journey as well. I have become more happy with this Trial, Stressor, or Crisis (however you may put it). I have grown to recognize all the many other blessings I have in my life. I am so grateful that I was able to learn how to better cope so that I could grow.
 
   

L O V E - M A K I N G, - N O T - J U S T - S E X

"Smiling for someone is sweet, but making someone smile is the best feeling." -Unknown 

There are a lot of ways you can focus on the "Making love not just sex." In my opinion, when you are making love, you are focused on the other person more then your self. You are also being focused on my your spouse by your spouse to the same degree. The both of you are looking for more then just sex. you are looking to show the other that you care for them, that you want them to be happy, that what they feel is just as important as to what you feel. A couple ways you as a partner can make this an easier step in your own marriage is by communicating and listening. We all have heard it before "communication is key" but why is it so hard to sometimes talk to your spouse about the undesirable things you may experience with sex? This is an opportunity we have to help, strengthen our  marriage. 

Listening to your spouse when they share something with you is your time to gain trust in you. how will you respond when they share something with you that you might not agree with? Do you encourage it or do you act offended and sometimes angry? When we are open with our spouse about the good and the bad. and when you are listening yourself. you both can began to focus on the cretin things the other  likes this is when you are most likely to feel that love for one another.

W H I T E - P I C K E T - F E N C E

   There is something about a white picket fence that is so pleasing. We were talking about this in a class recently and about how this should be our goal in marriage. We should build a boundary around our spouse and our self. A white picket fence gives that seance of friendliness but the top lets others know, that you do have your boundaries. This will allow you and your spouse to grow closer.

   

   I was recently thinking pack to all of the different things I my self, and many others will also go through in their first months and year of being married. Some of these things are...

• Budgeting finances
• Splitting up responsibilities 
• Learning how to care for and encourage each other
• Working out a new planned reunite that fits to each others schedules 
• Setting goals
• Communicating about everything 

   These are just a few of the many things you have to work on when you get married. I am not saying they are always hard for everyone, but some of these things can be difficult when you are not use to it. But I know that there is great good that can com from learning how to strengthen your relationship. Allowing yourself to become vulnerable to your spouse and them doing the same to you. It allows you to turn to them when they have done something that has hurt you, made you feel sad, angry, confused. It also can help your spouse to do the some. It also allows yourself to grow closer together when maybe goals or dreams did not workout the ways you had planned. Maybe you had pictured starting a family as soon as you could only to come to find out, that was not an option for you. Maybe you planned on getting a job that would allow you to stay close to family, only to find out about a job offer that was too good to e true, the only catch, it's five states away.

   These are the times when you lean on your spouse for strength. By doing so, you are reinforcing that bond.